Thursday, April 11, 2013

Hindsight

This morning in my Men's Discipleship Group I had the opportunity to share something from my life map.  It could be about a particular person, event, revelation, or even my testimony.  After much brainstorming and prayerful thought I went with the story of mine and Rachael's journey to bring children into this world.  What is normally taken for granted and requires an act that is very pleasing for most couples turned out for us to require years of failure, medical treatment, and anguish.  Infertility is a painful reality pill to swallow especially when God has put the desire in your heart to be a parent.  Both of us always wanted children and we'd always talked about having three.

Most of you that know us, also know the end of this painful journey and know that God made a way and that He was faithful in giving us our hearts desire with exactly three.  Literally blood, sweat, and tears, plus a few petri dishes were involved, but He made a way.  Interestingly my biggest worry in re-telling this story was doing it any kind of justice.  Those years before the twins of wondering whether or not God was listening, those years of very humbling medical procedures...those years of emotional highs and lows every time a new procedure would render negative results were very real and very tough.

But here I sit on the other side of that fence almost detached from it all.  Hindsight is not only 20/20 its healing and causes one to move on.  I am sure if I sat quietly reflecting on those days long enough I might be able to get myself back in touch with the emotions of that period.  But for the most part I've forgotten that pain and am almost so far past it that I can't relate to it anymore.  I am not sure that is completely good or completely bad.  Healing of any kind is funny that way.

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